Reminiscing: Whoops, I crapped my pants!

Here's what happened. I went to Cocoa Beach, Florida last year around this time with the United Methodist Church group. It was a whole hell of a lotta fun except for one thing. I ended up shitting my pants on the trip. Let's start from the beginning.

I slip on my fluorescent green running shorts, no shoes, no shirt, and I turn my ipod on. I see some of my friends who ask where I'm going so I tell em' I'll be goin for a run, I shouldn't be too long, maybe like 45 min or so.

So, I start my run on the beach and a storm is brewin in the distance. I sneak up on it and I get washed with the rain but luckily my ipod wasn't damaged at all. Anyways, I look at my watch and it's been about 30 minutes. I think to myself, "Damn, I gotta take a dump." I look around, I'm surrounded by beach houses and condos that people are currently occupied in and there are a ton of people at the beach around me. I look far ahead of me and I look back to try and find a hotel or restuarant to doo doo at. I run for another 4 or 5 minutes and see a big looking building," Oh! Awesome! A motel I can crap at!"But it's a mile away. I take the risk and run to it. At this point I have to stop occasionally to make sure I don't crap my pants. I literally stop running and hold my asshole with my hands and clench my glutonous maximus together as hard as I possibly can just so I don't spill some anal seepage into my HIGHLIGHTER GREEN shorts. That would be catastrphic!

So I finally get to the flippin motel, and I rush in there. There's an old lady inside who happens to be quite redneck. I don't ask, I demand to use the bathroom. "I need to use your bathroom!"
She responds," Ain't no bathrooms here, you're gon' have to go to the nearest public park."
I think," You gotta be shitting me! Aww man, Don't think about pooping don't think about pooping"
She then says," The nearest public park is on 15th street, you're on 12th street right now."

Oh my freaking god, I hated old people for a couple days. So, I run on the sidewalk and I am still squeezing my ass together and cars are driving right passed me giving me goofy looks but I don't care, they'd give me an even weirder look if I had shit butter running down my legs.

I keep running, 13th street, 14th street, and then finally 15th street.
THANK GOD I GOTTA GO SO BAD.

I see the public park. I see the bathrooms! Hell yeah Nigga! I jump over a short fence and I reach my destination. What a relief. I then put my hand around the door handle and open the door. "Yes!" I immediately think but then I suddenly think," NO!!!!"

I shit my pants as soon as I opened the door. I could not believe it. A 17 year old just shit his pants. What the fuck, how could I let this happen?

Anyways, I think to myself, whatever it doesn't even matter anymore, I already pooped my pants, the damage is already done. I soiled myself. So I sit down on the john and unleash the rest of the beast. I place my head down and take a look at my shorts," Oh snap! I didn't even crap my pants that bad, there's only a little stain!" And it really wasn't that bad....or so I thought.

I look at the ground and there is a humongous steaming turd lying on the ground right next to my feet, and I think oh god damnit, I can't just leave this here. I feel terrible! I don't want someone to think I intentionally placed my shit on the floor. How embarrassing.

So I got a lot of toilet paper and wrapped it around my hand and tried to pick it up. I couldn't for some reason. it kept slipping out whenever I tried. So I thought, well whatever fuck it. Sorry janiter!

I then proceeded to wash my hands in the sink but I had to clean my shorts some how. I look at the door. There's no lock.

And I didn't want to run back with shit stains on my shorts so I ripped those bad boys off, soaked them in soap and hand washed them right in the sink. Please note: I am not wearing anything at this time. I prayed that no one would walk right in. It just rained, so my weiner was super tiny, and I was just running.

But no one walked in, phew. I got lucky. I then run back to the hotel and I see the entire church group is going to eat dinner at the Methodist church across the street. And I'm thinking oh my god, this is not happening. I look at my watch it's been an 1 hour and 30 minutes since I left. I must've ran around 9 or 10 miles.

All the guys approached me and asked," Dude, where have you been?"

I leaned in close and made sure a select few only heard me," Hey, do I smell bad?"

"No, not really, just sweat"

"Oh okay because I had a shitty run"

And I ate dinner with the entire church group in those running shorts without a shirt on and withot shoes. I told the story to eveyone at the table. I was made fun for the rest of trip. And I passed those shorts down to Logan Ollinger. God bless his soul.

Let's bust, start the summer off

Change, change, change, change. 4 changes is too much eh? I agree. Change change change. I don’t need commas this time. Screw that. here’s what’s goin on in my life so far. I’m a changed person I’d say. I’ve been megan free for about 2 weeks. and it’s been awesome. I’ve been hanging out with the bros a lot more, I have a lot of ME time. I’ve been able to concentrate on stuff I haven’t before. I really need this time away. She was too stressful on me. too much to think about. and now I’m listening to an awesome song by an awesome professional singer and song writer. harry Chapin, he’s the man. Mr. Tanner is one of my favorite songs of all time. Always gives me Goose bumps. That rat bastard! I sing softly to myself as I sort through the clothes. It makes me feel so happy, it makes me feel so good.
Well, here’s the whole situation with Megan, I am getting over her. Like for real this time, I’ve been bullshitting myself for the longest time that I have gotten over her but I just haven’t. I’ve been kidding myself, and telling myself that I did. I wanted to at the time, but I just couldn’t. Every time I tried getting over her, she would call and I would obviously get turned on and I would think this would work. Every single time, this happened. Hell, it almost happened today when I talked to her on the phone. But for now, let’s keep things completely platonic. I’m done with being in love with her. It was too much bullshit, I don't think she can fully understand me. I have no bad intentions at all around her or other people, I don’t receive satisfaction by being an asshole unless they ABSOLUTELY deserve it. Which is a very rare and seldom occasion. But anyways, I’m still a nice guy I’d say, I still don’t hold grudges or anything and I still go out of my way for anyone. For me, people don’t have to deserve it to receive my kindness. I like handing it out because everyone deserves a chance and everyone deserves to smile. That is what I’ve taught myself; not by a god, not by reading a religious book, but by living life the way I want to live it. My goal in life is to make other people happy, to change people, to make them better people. Obviously, not everyone will get it. Obviously, some people think I’m an idiot who’s too nice and naive but I’m willing to take that chance. Ya know, one of the biggest influences on my life was the movie “Yes man” That kind of person he became by saying yes to everyone and every question is almost like the kind of person I want to become. With limitations of course. Sure, I’ll lose money, I already have. But for now, I don’t really give a shit because when other people are happy, that makes me happy. I try to be as selfless as possible. I wish there were more people like me but then this wouldn't be nearly as fun. Perhaps I’m asking too much.